Friday, February 6, 2009

I am a Wall

Love and Logic would call the experience Kate had yesterday a "wonderful opportunity" to learn consequences from making choices.
Every morning we have a list of what she needs to do before she can play with friends. One of these is PIANO practicing (notice piano is a recurring theme of discontent at our house.) Another one to clean her zone. She did her schoolwork but couldn't seem to muster up the energy to do cleaning and piano. I know Love and Logic teaches us parents not to remind but I couldn't help letting her know that she had 1 more hour to practice before her lesson or she would not be able to play with friends for the day. Then I walked away. Piano lessons came and she had lost her chance to play with friends.
Later in the afternoon, while Kate's two younger sisters were off playing with their friends, because they finished their work, the doorbell rang. There was one of Kate's most "favoritist" friends asking if she could play. Kate ran to me and with all the pathos she could demonstrate, BEGGED me to let her play with Madison. "I'll hurry and clean my zone right this second, PLEASE!!!!"
When she saw that I was a wall--a soft but FIRM wall--that was not going to crumble--she twisted up her face in all kinds of crying, feel sorry for me, ways.
"Oh, that's SAD." I said. I really felt sorry for her and tried to show my empathy.
I had to go to the door to explain to the friend that Kate wouldn't be able to play because she had made the choice not to practice or do her chores.
Soon after, I was enjoying a little down time on the computer. Kate interrupted me to ask if there were any jobs she could do to earn money. I stopped, looked at her and played dumb, "It is hard for me to think of extra jobs when you haven't done your regular ones."
I also let her know in a loving way that this was my time to do what I needed to do and that I would talk to her later. "See ya!"
She spent the rest of the afternoon/evening entertaining herself.

Thanks to Love and Logic I was still able to have a good day even if my daughter chose not to. Today is a NEW day with NEW list of wonderful opportunities. We'll see how it goes.