Friday, February 6, 2009

I am a Wall

Love and Logic would call the experience Kate had yesterday a "wonderful opportunity" to learn consequences from making choices.
Every morning we have a list of what she needs to do before she can play with friends. One of these is PIANO practicing (notice piano is a recurring theme of discontent at our house.) Another one to clean her zone. She did her schoolwork but couldn't seem to muster up the energy to do cleaning and piano. I know Love and Logic teaches us parents not to remind but I couldn't help letting her know that she had 1 more hour to practice before her lesson or she would not be able to play with friends for the day. Then I walked away. Piano lessons came and she had lost her chance to play with friends.
Later in the afternoon, while Kate's two younger sisters were off playing with their friends, because they finished their work, the doorbell rang. There was one of Kate's most "favoritist" friends asking if she could play. Kate ran to me and with all the pathos she could demonstrate, BEGGED me to let her play with Madison. "I'll hurry and clean my zone right this second, PLEASE!!!!"
When she saw that I was a wall--a soft but FIRM wall--that was not going to crumble--she twisted up her face in all kinds of crying, feel sorry for me, ways.
"Oh, that's SAD." I said. I really felt sorry for her and tried to show my empathy.
I had to go to the door to explain to the friend that Kate wouldn't be able to play because she had made the choice not to practice or do her chores.
Soon after, I was enjoying a little down time on the computer. Kate interrupted me to ask if there were any jobs she could do to earn money. I stopped, looked at her and played dumb, "It is hard for me to think of extra jobs when you haven't done your regular ones."
I also let her know in a loving way that this was my time to do what I needed to do and that I would talk to her later. "See ya!"
She spent the rest of the afternoon/evening entertaining herself.

Thanks to Love and Logic I was still able to have a good day even if my daughter chose not to. Today is a NEW day with NEW list of wonderful opportunities. We'll see how it goes.


Dave and Deslynn said...

Laura, I love this. I bet it was hard. It seems like the harder it is to pull off, the more we can understand where the sadness for empathy can come from.

Having the most favorite friend show up at the door is a gift from God. :) I know I have prayed so hard that SOMEONE would call and invite Woody over to a party so I could be really sad and drop the bomb. Empathetically, of course.

Great way to liken the crumbling/solid wall to your experience. Thank you so much!!

Meagan said...

I really enjoyed reading this post and your whole blog. What a fun way to see what you and Kate have been up to!

Heather said...

OK...I have been wanting to pick your brain ever since I saw you "surprise" at Becky's and knew that you were one of those wierd homeschoolers as well! I have to admit that it was very validating for me to see you doing it knowing how much I admire you and your husband and I want to go to dinner or dessert or something and just chat it all over with you. E-mail me if your interested! Heather